no one is perfect

So i got stuck with my lil 2 year old nephew , he is an all right kid dont talk dont really cry dont shit his pants that often. You know the kind of nephew you dont mind watching for a couple hours . Plus he is the cutest lil fuckin guy . Every where i take the kid ,at least ten women come up and remark on how cute he is and chit chat with the single dad looking guy. Of course I enjoy the attention but, its frustrating meeting these broads in parks and malls and and other places you take kids to snare women.The women in these places are your soccer moms ,the lets get to know each other , take it slow ,start as friends ,love letter kinda of women.That is not the kinda gal i look for, you know?  i will say they are all very beautiful ,but not one is just down to fuck. I started to feel like it was pointless for this kid to be cute, if it wasnt getting his uncle any sweet sweet tang.  I soon came to the conclusion that , the only way this two year old chick magnet was going to pull some poundable ass was to get him where that ass congregated .... I had to get him in a bar!.If he can attract as many bar whores as he does regular Bettys , i would be knee deep in the poon for at least a month .The only problem was getting him in undetected. I took him back to my place ,he watched "Heavy Metal" (the only cartoon i own ),while i rummaged threw some old halloween costumes trying to come up with a good disguise . I found an old wear wolf mask,trimmed a patch of fur out of the back. I styled it into the best baby beard the world had ever seen.  i stuck it to his face with a bit of double sided tape .He didnt even fuss. What a champ .I am telling you this kid looked like a 60 year old Russian midget . Perfect!. I picked a place close to home and known as a hot spot for young, drunk ,slutty chicks. So i held his hand and went inside ,we were almost completely unnoticed until i had to pick him up and set him on the bar stool. That's when things got a little tense . The bartender said in a stern voice "Hey man you cant bring a baby in here " I quickly responded. "hey watch who you are calling a baby my friend here just turned 57 years old." "Just so you know ,he suffers from the same genetic disease as the actor Vern Troyer alright buddy" " hey do you make fun of all your patrons with physical handicaps ?" "If a guy came in here and his legs had been amputated ,you gonna kick him out for being too short?"  Just then i turned to my nephew and apologized for the bartenders rudeness and asked if he wanted to go somewhere else. I looked back at the bartender to see i any of my bullshit rant had convinced him that this baby was in fact an elderly man. The bartender stared blankly back at me. then after what seemed like an eternity he broke the silence with a long sigh. He leaned over the bar and spoke to me in a low voice ,he said "look man ,you really put out the effort here and this is by far the craziest fucking stunt ive ever seen here". Here is the deal you, take that fucking baby and leave quietly ,i will give you at least five minutes before i call the police" "If not,  you and your little friend here will be detained in the office by my bouncers until police arrive your choice." I took a step back from the bar and said "you have a good evening sir" Then grabbed my nephew off the stool and booked it out of the bar. I made it home without any trouble... My brother got his kid back fake beard and all, when he asked why his kid had a ZZTOP beard i told him he did' not  want to know..... I never heard anymore of the subject and was sure to never mention it to my brother ,im sure i would have been punched in the face had i told him i took his boy into a bar to hit on bitches. The failure and danger made damn sure i never set foot in that bar again. I stopped using the kid as bait and started dating the old fashion way......... church Bingo nights , lonely ladies every Tuesday night they are down for some fuckin ,and there is punch and cookies. Thaaaaats right i tried to get a kid in a bar ..... sooo what? , dont judge me ,you only read this as you were taking a break from masturbating in front of your web cam.....so no one is perfect .........